Up In The Air (GamKar Sadstuck Lyric Fic)
by solicitousAdvisor
Summary: A Sadstuck lyric fic, Up In The Air - 30 Seconds To Mars. Gamzee and Karkats moiraillegiance has taken a turn for the absolute worst, and with Gamzee unstable and a danger to Karkat, as Karkat finally visits him once again, he's already met with the Makara aggressively throwing his scythe away from him-his only defence. Surely you, Karkat Vantas, can talk him around right?


**Anonymous asked you: I love your ideas for GamKar to up in the air! you should write it in a format of a fanfiction, and i think I'd love you if you did!**

_A/N: yes anything for more love~ Anyways! Yeah, so Thirty Seconds to Mars are my favourite band ever ok ANON YOU SAID THE RIGHT THINGS WELL DONE! Won over, so I thought why not! I hope you like!_

_I'm sorry this is bad and really sad but I can never resist angst THUS IS ALSO LONG! I also apologize for any typos I've overlooked?_

_Maybe you should listen to the song whilst reading!_

_Trigger warning: Strangling, emotional blackmail, etc. _

_SETTING: GAMZEE JUST KNOCKED KARKAT'S SCYTHE OUT OF HIS HANDS AND YEAH WE ARE BROUGHT STRAIGHT TO THE ANGST, FOLKS. _

_I'm sorry but? Painful GamKar HOW COULD I NOT?_

_A/N EDIT: So I was browsing my tumblr when I found my very second homestuck fic! My writing's really progressed, dear lord. Anyway, enjoy!_

Up In The Air

'I've been up in the air, Out of my head, Stuck in a moment of emotion I destroyed, Is this the end?'

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you have never felt so painfully empty before in your miserable existence. You have managed to lose all who cared about you, including Kanaya, Dave, and even Sollux. And wow, it hurts, more than you had ever cared to fully admit. The feeling itself, which you have yet to label, seems to haunt you and plague you, yet you came to the conclusion it was your demon long ago, and sadly grown to accept it in a sad way. In a sense, you were about to give up. You felt empty, the feeling almost housing within your chest somewhat; you could not cry, for you are fairly certain you've done so much of it lately that there really are no more tears left to weep alone. And yet, who do you turn to? This pathetic, ex-moirail of yours, who you still need, still crave to hold.

You somehow found yourself standing opposite to Gamzee, your surroundings dark and mysterious, shadows lurking with sinister whispers of cruel intent—or at least, you could hear them. He looks so much more different than all of those times previous times where you all equally had a chance at happiness. His face paint had come off in certain places, exposing soft grey skin underneath—or, would have, if it wasn't for the old, purple diagonal scars that ran across his face. And, if you looked closely, you could see the dried blood. Honestly? This troll before you was no longer whom you could consider a friend. You'd seen how he ruined Terezi, the words he'd scratched into her back during blackrom encounters between the pair.

And here you were, back for more. You felt almost numb, like you could faint and fall to the ground in weakness at any given time, but if course, there was that small voice in your head telling you to brave this one. Maybe you could be a better leader here than you ever were for the others.

Cautiously, you watched the way he moved, how he seemed to step closer and closer with that sickening smirk gracing his foul lips, eventually straightening up, to loom over you slightly with a most chilling gaze, repulsing you to the core. To think he was your moirail?

'Up in the air, fucked up on life, All of the laws I've broken, Loves that I've sacrificed, Is this the end?'

"H…Hey best frieeend!" he drawled, eyes glistening with something you'd never had the opportunity of seeing in Makara before. You made no reply, and held your tongue. You had far too many insults to spit out at the blithering idiot, and knew he could snap any time. Which was a shame, considering you needed a good argument to relieve your stress. You hissed a little, a defensive mechanism everyone seemed to have.

"What's wrong, /best MOTHERFUCKIN' friend?!/" he growled, a manic grin spreading dangerously across his lips. "Is someone all up and being motherfuckin' brave? Are you motherfuckin' HURTIN', yet?!" You flinched a little at how he spat the words viciously at you, and a part of you suspected you were here to see this monster for yourself. "Been thinking all over all those motherfuckers you let down, huh? HUH? Honk!" he started laughing then, and the sight was infuriating in itself.

"…Just shut the fuck up, Gamzee. You don't know about all that shit, so wipe that grin off your face before I gladly smash a fucking steel bar in your face and wipe it off for you." Your voice had started off in a rather passive tone, yet you'd slowly began to become more aggressive as the threat became more enjoyable to. You knew, deep down, you didn't want to hurt Gamzee, but if he was going anywhere near your failure of a being then, you'd be forced to.

The worst part of this was that you knew you still cared for Gamzee Makara, who was a dreadful friend.

The clown took a step closer, his breath washing over your face. You could see the malice in his stance, his expression, and your think pan that there was no chance this could possibly end well.

"You're a failure, brother. A MOTHERFUCKIN' FAILURE. Think about how they're all gonna cry, man… THINK ABOUT THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS ALL UP AND WEEPIN' BECAUSE OF THEIR TEAM LEADER FAILING THEM IN EVERY MITHERFUCKING WAY!" The words cut you, and they cut you deeply. It was one if your main weaknesses, one of the thoughts that caused you to want to crumble from time and time.

It really was your fault, wasn't it?

'I'll wrap my hands around your neck so tight with love, love.'

You kept your gaze locked on those spotty pants of his, still stained from the blood of Nepeta and Equius from what seemed a lifetime ago. What were they, martyrs? Examples for moirails everywhere? You didn't know, but it triggered something in you to see how Gamzee seemed to enjoy the bloody stains, as badges of honour.

You were so lost in your thoughts you hadn't noticed the large grey hand enclosing around your throat, pinning you up against the wall. You tried to gasp but it was useless, and you felt the rough cold surface of the wall hurt your back through your shirt. Your legs kicked aimlessly, yet you didn't manage to injure Gamzee in any way. "Motherfuckin' feelin' it, brother? FEELIN' THE USELESSNESS YOU ARE NOW, MOTHERFUCKER?!" His voice was a harsh rasp, and still rather loud. Your breathing was restricted, but you could still breathe a little—and for that, you were surprisingly grateful.

'A thousand times I tempted fate, A thousand times I played this game, A thousand times that I have said, Today, today, today.'

Your eyes had become almost pleading, both hands clutching desperately at the one that, truthfully, you were paranoid was going to cut off your air supplies any minute. "Gamzee, don't—d-don't do any—" you winced, feeling one of Gamzee's nails dig into the side of your neck. "Anything you could hate yourself for-! P..Please, stop." That technique worked long ago.

He sneered, lips curling back in a snarl. "You motherfuckin' left me, brother. DO YOU WANNA KNOW HOW IT FEELS? All I did had a reason… At least I didn't hand out motherfuckin' empty promises. ARE YOU THAT CRUEL?! No motherfuckin' wonder they left you." Being fair about the situation, you knew Gamzee could say far worse, and you knew he had that power more than anyone else.

However, then you felt it. The hand tightening around your throat, both if your hands clawing at him. "G-AM-ZEE!"

'I've been up in the air, Lost in the night, I wouldn't trade it all for your life, your lust for my life. Is this the end?'

"That's my issue here, my brother. I CAN'T BRING MYSELF TO MOTHERFUCKIN' KILL YOU OFF!" His tone seemed to be almost dismayed that you could be one of his weaknesses, and yet you could say the same thing. Perhaps, moirallegiance was one of the most painful quadrants—because it never let you leave the quadrant fully.

"St-op— G-am..zee, s-TOP!" You tried to get as much breath as you possibly could, kicking out and hitting Gamzee's thigh, to no avail. He couldn't be sober again, but he was insane . Here you were again.

"But I'm so motherfuckin' strong… And then there's you." His tone was quiet, and it sent chills down your back.

You were struggling for breath at this point, eyes rolling back into your head slightly, lips moving speechlessly.

'You were the love of my life, The darkness, the light, This is a portrait of a tortured, you and I, Is this the, is this the, is this the end?'

As if saving you from your unconsciousness, you felt the fingers loosen lightly, and shockingly soft lips pressing against yours. You shrieked and would kick yourself if you could, but you felt reassured, aside from the fact he was strangling you. Your arms clutched at him again, and your back was sore, and yet the kiss you both shared seemed to be still, almost as if it was an apology for everything that had gone so utterly wrong in your fucked up lives. Your eyes never closed completely, and you wanted to vomit by how soothed it both made you—on the plus side, it seemed to be relaxing Gamzee, which you couldn't express enough gratitude for.

Gamzee pulled away slightly, enough time for you to whisper in a croaky voice from the previous pressure and lack of oxygen: "What the fuck happened to us? Why did you blame me? What the fuck happened?"

'I'll wrap my hands around your neck so tight with love, love, love, A thousand times I tempted fate, A thousand times I played this game, A thousand times that I have said, Today, today, today.'

Before you received a much needed answer, you felt yourself harshly thrown to the floor, grazing you cheek on the hard surface. "Shit…" you groaned beneath your breath, and wondered how the tables were constantly turning between you both.

You lay there for a few moments, in utter bliss; everything was still, and you could breath. The pain in the side of your face that had hit the floor was oddly numb due to the quick pulse of adrenaline coursing through your veins. In those few moments, you contemplated your life—how you'd failed everyone, how you'd promised success to your teammates in a naive youth, and just look at where you'd all ended up! You reflected over how they all smiled, which quickly turned into the visions of them with expressions of disappointment, all hope lost, and disgusted by you. It was your fault—Gamzee had said… And even though you knew other things contributed, you chose to ignore them.

If you weren't so tired, empty, maybe you'd have felt the crushing guilt.

'I've been up in the air, Is this the end I feel? Up in the air, chasing a dream so real…'

"I can still put it motherfuckin' right, you know… Show how I'm feelin' all up and remorseful, yeah?! I CAN'T MOTHERFUCKIN' TAKE IT!"The desperation in his voice was clear, and each word was like a stab to the heart.

You turned your head to look up at Gamzee, who loomed above you, raising his clubs above his head, about to strike you. You breathed out again, too tired for all of this. Your inner voice screamed at you to move, FUCKING ANYTHING NOT FOR THIS TO HAPPEN.

But you didn't. Instead you lay there, lips twitching in a sad smile of realization. Maybe your end was what had always been there you through harsh times when you were alone. Maybe your death had been concealed behind the guise of a moirail the whole time.

"I'M PUTTING IT MOTHERFUCKIN' RIGHT, WITH ALL THESE POWERS I NEED TO USE." You pitied him, with the purple tear you could see slipping from his eyes, preparing to strike. You closed your eyes, defenceless.

You could sense him about to bring the clubs down on you, and you held your breath, thinking of everyone else who had died. Nepeta, Equius, Tavros, Feferi, everyone… And you would do your part, embrace your fate.

'Up in the air, chasing a dream, chasing a dream…"

"AARGH!" You heard Gamzee's cry as he brought down the clubs, only to not hit you and batter you with them, end you. You heard the noise of them hitting the ground and rolling across the floor in the corner, and felt Gamzee collapse to his knees beside you, desperate, agonized sobs escaping him.

You opened your eyes, only to find yourself crying, too. You didn't sob, and the warm tears simply flowed freely, a steady stream of the emotion you'd been holding far too long. Your voice quavered, and you hesitated. "Gamzee… What…What even happened, huh?"

'Take no more! Take no more! Take no more! I'll take no more!'

You were both utterly broken, in your own separate ways. He sobbed whilst sitting next to you, and the temptation to comfort overcome you as you reached up, and patted Gamzee's back. It hurt you, it hurt you so fucking much.

'I'll wrap my hands around your neck, neck, neck ,neck… I'll wrap my hands around your neck so tight with love, love.'

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you slowly reach for your scythe which you had brought along with you, and had been knocked out of your hands, and, as you bring Gamzee down to the floor to hold him close, raise your scythe, taking in a long breath.


End file.
